Post-election shock and it’s effect on one psychotic man

At a reasonable guess, most of the readers and writers of this publication are unhappy, to say the least, with Donald Trump returning to the White House. I am no exception. And with my psychiatric issues, I am not as able—as many people probably are—to be resilient and to come back to a normal space. I use the word “normal” meaning baseline and it is not a term used to exclude those who are normally different.

Had the election gone as I’d hoped, I would still be in for a rough ride with the multitude of things I must deal with in my beleaguered mind. Nonetheless, I took a couple of steps earlier in the year that I believed would put me in a better position. 

This involved documenting my identity and my income so that it will be harder to deport me despite being a U.S. citizen, born in the U.S. with parents born in the U.S. My paranoid thought: what if Trump decided he wants to deport the “crazies”? Additionally, it involves being a taxpayer and the righteousness that comes with it. 

If I’m like many conscientious people afraid of Trump, then you can imagine what happens to someone whose mind is already on a psychological platform that leans toward paranoia. We should face the simple reality that, in the future, living in the U.S. will be more like Russia and China, where citizens live in constant fear of their government. I am already afraid to speak freely in mixed company. 

I have phoned the crisis and suicide hotline. The volunteers are usually great to talk to, albeit sometimes you get a dud and I eventually hang up. When my emotions get beyond tolerable, I might look for help in the therapy community. This is messier and can bring forth feeling sorry for yourself, yet the benefits outweigh the risks.

Yet, the words: “The United States of America,” for me, are now spoken with sadness. 

Americans would not vote for a Black woman from Berkeley, California. 

I can’t fully describe what this does to me. I’m terrified of what could happen to me. I’m sad for the monumental loss—a country losing its Constitution and thereby its soul. I’m perplexed as to how I can adapt—I’m at a loss concerning what to do when the government throws me a curve ball or tries to get me on something, e.g., finding any possible excuse to arrest. Or if the government just comes after me, with no spoken rationale needed.

It’s also worth noting how services will dwindle through the Trump presidency. It’s already hard enough now. In the recent past, I tried to get employment help from a state agency. The examiner said they’re not set up to help someone who wants work in my field, which is writing. They’re set up to help people become a janitor, a dishwasher, or to work in fast food. I can’t do that kind of work physically or emotionally. I did that sort of thing as a teen, and it led to a lifetime of bad circumstances. I do not wish to elaborate. 

What we should know: we probably have little or no power, as citizens, to create and maintain an effective balance against the incoming federal government. It looks as though Trump will be able to do almost anything he wants to do. We do not have control over the plans set forth by this administration. We may have power over our own attitudes, over our emotions and thoughts, but soon enough, it might be a crime to say anything discordant with the Trump establishment. 

This seems very Orwellian, and worse. 

It might make sense to proceed as though it is business as usual, and this will mean different things for different people. Some will continue sending out barbs and thorns of rhetoric about how the world is coming to an end unless we do something to balance the power. Others will work on their own personal lives and try to either make them livable or enjoy their circumstances because they are already good. 

A healthy amount of denial might come in handy. If we put on blinders so that we can’t see the world falling apart and only work on our own little corner of things, it might work out. That’s what I have to do because I don’t have the extra capacity to take on saving the world from itself. 

I am a mentally ill 60-year-old man. I am not prepared on any level to do the rough and heavy work that will be needed for involvement in citizens who oppose Trump. I have to find coping mechanisms. For 40 years, I have been on a lot of medication, and this was barely adequate before the election to keep me stabilized. I’m going to need extra break time. And I do not expect to have a feeling of safety. The best I can hope for is calmness coexisting with terror. And if I can find a lucrative work opportunity, it will be the missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle. 

Trump might not last his full term, so I’m projecting: he might try to do something so outrageous such that even his most devout followers will reject him. 

And that’s the difficulty of his reelection to the presidency: we simply do not know what will happen, and anxieties will ebb and flow. On second glance, I don’t believe Trump or his people will come after me because I am not a threat to them. It seems to me that, as awful as this man is, he probably has the capacity to leave some people alone who don’t pose a significant threat and who might live in the margins. 

But counter to that idea, Trump is embarking on a mass deportation of individuals who have not done anything to him. In fact, I can’t predict anything about this man. And maybe he can’t predict himself. I think if we were to do a deep analysis of Trump’s mind, we’d find little or nothing is present to be analyzed. And that is to his advantage. 

As American citizens who believe in the rights and freedoms that we have, freedoms that many people have died for, we must have a way of dealing with this. Even lighting a candle or a stick of incense. Maybe say a prayer. An atheist can pray too—you can just call it a form of focus and that you are wishing for better. We have to keep the flames of hope alive in our hearts and minds. 

Bad people can’t win in the long run. Yet many good people lose their lives in the process of defeating a bad guy. So, we must be brave.