An ode to those celebrating Mother’s Day on the street.

Used to love LOVE. This day. It was my reminder of a job well done of making my dream of three kids two boys and a girl come true and we used to get a suite at the Embassy and stay up late and then meet family and friends downstairs at the buffet on Sunday brunch. Kids would wander around the atrium under the big ferns and splash the koi fish…mischievously giggling.
All nite video games.
Every delicious food you could stuff in your face..
Beautiful flowers and gifts and hand made signed cards.
Once my son got me a sapphire ring,
and my other son and daughter got me a ruby heart and diamond ring.
Lapis earnings another year…
I got to see them daily
Love them daily
Hear them see them hold them.Make their dinner.
Buy their favorites.
Read to them an hour too long at bedtime.
Gone. All. Of. It.
Them, all gone.
No calls.
No cards.
No contact.
Just the part time dog kisses and my loss.
Sometimes I wish O would just cease to be.
They’d never notice.
But I notice life without them.
My eldest doesn’t even think to TRY to do anything about even a lunch visit.
Oldest and youngest’s birthdays are next week.
I must have done something pretty fucked up right? No.
It’s because I am homeless.
Because I left my abusive marriage and fell in love with another man that I THOUGHT loved me back and loved my kids too.
I was so lucky. So blessed. So HAPPY.
What was the chance of that??
Midlife. Three kids 5 years apart?
A big ol house on the water that needed fixin?
A son in honors classes,
a son in scouts.
I stay at home with kids…daughter constant side kick baby lady in training?
How did…
with no one to love me or be loved…
I’m 55 years old. I hate this.

Mavin Carter-Griffin is a homeless activist who lives in Oakland.