by Janny Castillo, Naomi Cox and Jania Gaines
This spoken word piece by St. Mary’s Center Hope and Justice Coordinator Janny Castillo was performed with her daughter Naomi Cox and granddaughter Jania Gaines at St. Mary’s Celebration for International Women’s Day on March 19, 2015.
Spoken by Janny, the mother
I say three generations
I really mean many.
Through my heart flows the power and spirit of my mother,
And her mother,
And her mother before her.
I have shed many tears
And suffered many pains
And lived through times that I thought would end me,
But … I have also experienced joy and deep gratitude.
For the experiences that have brought me to my knees in prayer
Has also lifted me up to dance to a song called Freedom,
I have suffered through trauma that only women endure
And got caught up in love that was the opposite of love,
And I have wished for peace while living an un-peaceful life
I have lived tied to a past that left me broken and broken hearted.
One day a child was laid in my arms
My first born, a daughter who looked like me,
Who showed me unconditional love,
This was a beautiful new experience
To have a daughter,
I was changed to my core … I was transformed,
I became somebody’s mama.
And through her newborn eyes
Peace began to grow in my heart… little tiny bits of hope began to rise,
I wanted so much to make her little world better.
BUT my lifestyle demanded
Trauma and more trauma,
And this little girl, and her three little brothers
Suffered with me as I made my way out of despair and homelessness,
I made it, though. You can say I prayed my way out.
You can still call me poor but I don’t.
The effects of poverty do not affect me anymore.
And every day I pass this strength
And this message of peace and joy
To my daughter, and her daughter.
This is what I know for sure…
That my mothers have never forsaken me
Because of their strength and constant prayers
Today I am bright and shiny
*** *** *** ***
Spoken by Naomi, the Daughter
Through my heart
Flows the power and spirit of my mother,
And her mother,
And her mother before her.
I am a child of my mother who loves me unconditionally,
But was too wounded to provide a safe place for me.
As a child,
I had to call many places home.
You would call them shelters, tents, places filled with strangers,
Rooms that belonged to everyone but never to me.
As my mother got better,
I got better.
But as a product of my neglected community
My mother’s healing was not enough to avoid years
Of deep emotional and physical abuse.
I have suffered through trauma that only women endure.
Then one day a child was laid in my arms
My first born, a daughter that looked like me
Who showed me unconditional love.
This was a new beautiful experience,
To have a daughter.
I was changed to my core… I was transformed.
I became somebody’s mama.
My mother’s healing cleared the path for mine.
Now I work hard to make my little daughter’s world better.
This is what I know for sure.
That my mothers have never forsaken me.
Because of their strength and constant prayers
I am here bright and shiny.
*** *** *** ***
Spoken by Jania, the granddaughter
I am Jania
And I am bright and shiny.
Through my heart flows the power and spirit of my mom,
And her mom, and her mom before her.
I may not have everything I want
But I have everything I need.
I call myself lil diva
Because mom and grandma
Tell me I am important and precious.
And I believe them.
I have a place that my mom and I call home,
I have a room just for me with my favorite books
And my favorite pink things.
I have pictures on the wall of my grandmother
Who takes me on day trips to take pictures
Like a real photographer.
I also have pictures on the wall of my Grandmothers
Who watch over me from heaven.
And my clothes are always clean
And some on them are cute enough
To make me want to put my hand on my hip and smile.
Sometimes I wear my hair in fancy little braids
Not done in a shop but braided by my mama.
And they look just as good as the shop.
My mom and dad broke up a long time ago
But I am not from a broken family because
I am loved by my mom and dad, and my uncles,
And my cousins, and my grandpas, and my great aunts
And especially my grandma.
My mama tells me I can be anything I want
And I believe her.
My grandma tells me to be kind and generous
And I told her I would work on that.
I am Jania. I am eleven years old.
Because of my mom’s love, and the love of her mom
And her mom before her,
My future is bright and shiny.